The Writings on the WALLS

Exist

2011-08-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

I can't decided if I am nuts or just dramatic. I am soo incredibly bored with my life and my existence right now that I can barely breathe. The panic takes hold of me and I sink down into retreat. I want to feel like I matter to this world, matter to people. I look at others' lives and think, man they have all the talent, the work ethic, the need to exist. I don't. Why am I lazy? Why do I make things so much harder than they should be. Why when others' have such harder lives than mine, do I feel like I am suffocating?! What can I do to change this feeling? How do I not pass this on to my daughter. I want her to do more with her life than I did. I want her to experience things and not be afraid. I want her to life her life out loud...not hidden under a rock. I feel like I was never good enough for anyone. My mom, my dad, my friends, my husband, my daughter... I grew up in a house full of boys and they all have so much in common...but not with me. I wanted a sister so much. I have 2 great sister-in-laws who I love but its not the same. I see what other women have with their sisters. An eternal best friend, a confidant. I don't have that with anyone. I think my husband is not attracted to me anymore. I've let myself go, physically, emotionally, mentally. I feel like I am losing a piece of myself each day. How long can I last before its all gone and I am just an empty shell. I think I need some help.....

Goblin Valley

2010-06-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

Well, its been forever since I last posted. Spot the fish has died... :'( So we headed back to WalMart and got another fish, who died that same night! So for now we just have Tiger. The summer is going pretty good so far. We just had the Hope reunion (June 25-28) in a small town called Loa, Utah. Its about 30 mins from Capitol Reef National Park. We drove into Capitol Reef and headed for Goblin Valley. If you've ever seen Galaxy Quest there was a part of the movie that was shot there. It was really cool but very HOT!!! We also hiked up some narrows in the area. That was AMAZING!!! We only planned on doing a short version of the hike but as soon as we got into it we just couldn't stop! Its amazing what the elements can do to solid rock. I have never been a hiker but after that I am really wanting to go to Zion National Park and hike the narrows there.

Goblin Valley

The best part of Goblin Valley is you can climb on the formations.

The beginning of the narrows at Wild Horseshoe Trail.

This was my favorite part because there were a lot of switchbacks, it was so narrow that you had to turn sideways just to get through. Amazing!

Meet Tiger and Spot

2010-03-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

So we were at WalMart the other day and completely on a whim we bought 2 fish! As we were picking out them out Spot came right up to the glass and started blowing fishy kisses at us. It was love at first sight. We figured that if Hannah couldn't have siblings we would get her a pet but since we can't have dogs, birds, rabbits, etc. we would go for the fish. Yeah you can't hold them or walk them or play fetch with them, but Hannah loves them none the less. Hopefully they won't die in a few weeks!

December 2009

2010-01-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

It started with new hair.....

I am loving the short hair. It is so much fun and I feel sassy and chic!

Then my beloved Car-men was damaged.

On the plus side Hannah and Travis are okay and the pole they hit didn't fare too bad either! Luckily Travis was able to appear before the judge to avoid the accident appearing on his record. He was a little nervous about it because the judge was a bit of a "ball buster" if you will. There were several people there who were appearing before him for their 3rd or 4th DUI and when one guy was told that he needed to pay his fine he actually asked the judge if he could go home and get his money! Needless to say.....he spent the night in jail!

Then Christmas came.......

This Christmas was a little different that the ones in the past. We had the talk with Hannah this year about the true meaning of Santa. I wasn't sure how she would take it. Lets just say it wasn't good. She cried and cried, but not because she was upset about Santa, because she felt we tricked her. At that point I was wishing so much that I could take back everything that I had told her. But then she surprised me.....as usual. She wanted to play Santa to her younger cousins McKinzie and Kaden. Also, she learned that at Trav's work was doing a secret Santa for a lady on his team. She was the first one in our family to ask what we can do. We had fun gathering up some Transformer stuff and Star Wars stuff for her little boy. We also were able to give our Nintendo Game Cube and all our games a new home. In her letter she thanked us for our generosity and the lesson that it taught her son about compassion. Hannah felt really happy to help others out. So I feel from now on our Christmases will be about helping others.

Now for the New Year! We Wall's are happy to see 2009 go. 2010 is already shaping up to be a great year. We have got our finances in order and hoping to save for a great trip in 2011. I will try to update this each month....unless we seem to mundane and boring!

XOXO

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2009-11-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

2 Rockers and a Vampire

Hannah won a costume contest with this get up.

The eyelashes were the best!!

Ben, Leash and Kaden......cave family with the pet dinosaur! They were the hit of the night!

My year in a nut shell.......

2009-10-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the past year.......

This is my dream car! Pontiac Solstice...yummy! We went to the car show at the first of the year. Its lots of fun to see the new cars and that is actually where I saw the Caliber and fell in love with it!

This is my favorite nephew Kaden...(I can say that cause I only have one nephew!). In fact....you will be seeing lots of pictures of him on here!

Hannah and I took part in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, it was such an amazing expierinece. We saw lots of survivors and lots of people walking for those who didn't make it. Because of that....it now by lots of stuff with pink ribbons on it. Every little bit helps!

This is my favorite niece McKinzie....(again...my only one!!). She is the biggest character! There is never a dull moment when she is around.

Drew and Kaden, or Wee-man as Drew calls him.

Hannah and Kinz getting ready to tear it up on the wheeler.

This picture needs no explanation!

This is the new bedroom furniture we got this year. I love it!!

Here is the dresser. My sister-in-law Alicia decorated it for me. She really has a gift for that!

So here ya have it. That's my life for the last few months.

XOXO

What to blog about........

2009-10-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are 8 months since my last post. I will have to think hard about what all has taken place since then. Travis has decided to go back to school this fall and become a pharmasist. Isn't it funny that even when we are in the thick of being a grown up we still don't know what we want to be when we grow up! Its starting over for him after getting his bachelors. I had someone ask me how I felt about that.....I thought that a strange question......I love him and will always support him in what he wants to do. He is working so hard to make our lives better. Hannah is loving the 4th grade and honestly I can't remember getting this old! Having a child with who is almost 10 years old is really freaking me out! She is so smart and has a heart of gold. She really has completed my life! As for me.....well, I did go through some sort of a "mid-life crisis" during the summer. You know how you feel like everyone else is in fast forward but you feel like your on pause most days and on those few days your in rewind! Well, that was me. How did I deal with that you ask? A tattoo of course!

The HJ are Hannah's initials.

We also purchased a new vehicle, 2009 Dodge Caliber. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love my car. We got rid of the P.O.S caddy. I never looked back after driving off the lot and leaving that car there.

Hannah named it "Car-men"

Well, I know there is more.....I will have to post more pictures that we've taken over the last 8 months and hopefully remember the stories that go with them!

XOXO

Superbowl Sunday

2009-02-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

We went to Ben and Leash's for some awesome food, great company, but a lame game! Stupid Cardinals! We had some yummy sweet and sour meatballs, 'lil smokies, yummy avacado salsa and hot wings. We all ate way too much but it was worth it!

Christmas 2008

2009-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

So I had the best of intentions to take pictures all day Christmas day. I wanted the before pictures with all the gifts neatly wrapped and carefully placed under the tree. And then my favorite, the after picture where the wrapping paper and boxes are strung through out the house, but on Christmas morning I turn back into a kid and all I want to do is rip open all the packages. So, long story short, I only have like two pictures!! But that won't stop me from telling the entire story!

It all started Christmas Eve when we went over to my cousins' Emily and Alex's house with several members of the Hope clan for a little dinner and a lot of laughs. After the dinner Hannah reminded us that she wanted to leave brownies for Santa which we hadn't even made yet. Then I remembered we didn't have any eggs! Kinda an important ingredient! Luckily Aunt Jana made some yummy brownies that she was so very generous to share with us, whew, the Santa snack was saved. When we got home we laid out the brownies and the milk. Then Hannah remembered that his reindeer would be hungry. Well, we didn't have any traditional "reindeer snacks" so she suggested pickles and ranch. They must have liked the treat cause they were all gone in the morning.

Christmas morning came and turns out, Santa spoiled us this year. Hannah got a Nintendo DS and a few games to go with it. She also got some Tinker Bell perfume, its so crazy to see her growing up and wanting makeup and perfume! Anyway, as a family we got a Nintendo Wii, which Santa hid in the apartment! It was like Easter but instead of finding stinky eggs, we found presents. Then using the cash gifts we received from parents and bosses we also got a new TV and entertainment center and the most addicting game on the Wii. We got Guitar Hero, World Tour. We've had so much fun playing gigs and making our own rock stars. Hannah even gets in on the act being our singer! Too fun!

Then the best part of the Christmas season came 3 days later when my brother Ben and his wife Alicia had their cute baby Kaden Benjamin. I can't get enough of his new baby smell!

So there you have it, this could only be what I describe the best Christmas thus far!

"Resolution Season"

2009-01-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

So here it is almost the end of January. I have a feeling that 2009 is going to go by just as fast as 2008. I have heard the term "Resolution Season" being thrown around this month. I used to be one that would make these so called resolutions, and like many others out there I didn't always follow through. I also think its ironic that January is to gyms and health clubs as December is to retailers. So this year, I decided not to make any resoultions. Why you ask? Well, for one, I get distracted. I could resolve to work out more and get in shape, but when it comes down to dragging my behind to the gym, I get distracted. Or I could resolve to make a budget and stick to it, but again, I get distracted. (Mostly by shiny things!!) So here's to a new year, resolution free and I am totally fine with that!!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

So Travis and I hosted our first Thanksgiving this year. We had my Mom Jana and her husband Gary, Zach, Karlie, Kinzie, Drew, and Ben and Leash. We had an amazing meal cause everyone pitched in and helped. It was fun to spend time together. Later that night we decided to go down to temple square to see the lights. Funny thing was they didn't turn them on til Friday! So my poor family came down here to see the lights and they weren't even on!! They did have a few trees lit up. We just laughed. When we got back from the lightless Temple Square, Mom and Gary went home.

My Dad was supposed to come down to spend the rest of the weekend with us and we hadn't hear from him so we called him. He said that he was super sick and couldn't come down til the morning. Then about 30 mins later, a knock at the door, and there Dad and Selina stood. What a couple of tricksters! We had fun with them. We went to Wal-Mart Friday morning and got there late enough that all the good stuff was gone. But it was an adventure non the less. Then Saturday night we went downtown to the Off Broadway Theater to the play It's a Wondrous Life, it was pretty funny and I would recommend it to anyone.

We actually got our tree up before Thanksgiving this year. Its hard to believe that its that time of year already. It seems like a week ago we were trick-or-treating! This year has just flown by! Its hard to believe it almost over. I am excited for Christmas. I love how everything seems "warmer" even though its a lot colder. People just seem to care more about others this time of year. Like my daughter for example. She got a present for her birthday that she didn't really want, so instead of taking it back and getting some thing she would rather have, she decided to donate it to Toys for Tots. She said that some other girl her age that didn't have much would enjoy it more than she would enjoy a new toy. I am so proud of her. Thanks again family for a wonderful Thanksgiving and birthday!!

The Grand Re-Opening

2008-11-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, who knew that it would take me 2 days to re-do this thing! So, we have a new title, a new look and lots of new shiny trinkets, I like shiny things. I hope that you enjoy reading and hearing my blog!